Can I go to my family’s Christmas dinner, wedding or funeral?
It depends on what the occasion actually involves and what your presence would mean. Scholars differ sharply here, and the honest answer distinguishes between a religious rite you would be participating in, and a family meal that happens to fall on a date. Sitting with your family, eating with them and honouring your parents are not in dispute; joining in worship is. Where a specific occasion falls between those needs a person who can hear the details.
The honest answer turns on your circumstances. What it hinges on is below.
This arrives in the first December after someone becomes Muslim, and it is genuinely contested — you will find confident answers in both directions, which is itself a signal to be careful.
What is not in dispute:
- Maintaining ties with non-Muslim family is commanded, including with parents who oppose your Islam: “But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in this world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me in repentance. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.” (Qur’an 31:15)
- General kindness and fairness toward those who are not hostile is explicitly permitted: “Allah does not forbid you from those who do not fight you because of religion and do not expel you from your homes - from being righteous toward them and acting justly toward them. Indeed, Allah loves those who act justly.” (Qur’an 60:8)
- Participating in an act of worship of another religion — praying the prayers, taking communion, bowing in a rite — is not permitted. That end of the range is agreed.
Where scholars differ:
- Attending the social parts of another religion's festival — a family dinner, an exchange of gifts. Some hold this is permitted where no religious act is involved, on the grounds that it is kinship rather than worship. Others hold that presence itself signals approval of the festival and should be avoided.
- Greetings and congratulations. Some permit a general greeting; others restrict it.
- Weddings and funerals in a place of worship. Many distinguish between attending as a silent mourner or guest, and taking part in the rites.
What your answer turns on: whether the event is a rite or a meal; whether your absence would be read as hostility toward your parents; whether you would be expected to participate rather than attend; and which scholarly position you follow.
The practical advice most converts are given, and it is sound: do not make your first act as a Muslim the public wounding of your family. Go to the meal, skip the service, be warm, and take the specifics of your own situation to someone who knows both the fiqh and your family.
- Qur’anQur’an 31:15
- Qur’anQur’an 60:8